5 Ways to Discourage Parent Communication

March 10th, 2010 By: Diane Trim in Articles, Learning Community

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We all know that parents, as our students’ first teachers, have a tremendous amount of influence over our students. However, some of us aren’t terrific about communicating with parents. Instead of reaching out, we draw back.

Dodge phone calls and e-mails.

The situation: Look, I have seven classes with 25 kids in each one. With over 170 students, I don’t have time to use the restroom, let alone return a call. I get to my e-mail when I get to it. I have papers to grade, lessons to plan, and another class in 15 minutes. Maybe I’ll get to that phone call or e-mail after school. Tomorrow. No, wait. Friday.

The solution: This is a common problem among the busy. We’re juggling so many preps, so many kids, and so many papers that a parent phone call seems like too much. Carve out the first fifteen minutes of every prep period for parent phone calls. Make it a regular part of your routine and it won’t seem like a burden.

Never pick up the phone.

The situation: I’m a young teacher. My students’ parents intimidate me. Heck, my own parents still intimidate me. I worry that the parent might be frustrated or upset and I have no idea what to say to these people on the phone. Maybe it’s a bad time to call. I should probably do it later. Tomorrow. No, wait. Friday.

The solution: Enlist the help of a friend or mentor. Ask that person to play the role of parent and practice the phone call before you dial the number. Write down the key points you’d like to make when you’re on the phone and include some positive things along with any negative things. If you’re still nervous, ask to sit with a colleague while he calls a few parents so you can hear how he does it.

Stay in the power position.

The situation: I sit behind my desk when parents meet with me in my classroom. It’s just easier. I’m more comfortable, I can reach for files, my computer, and my grade book. Parents don’t seem to mind. No one’s complained.

The solution: You don’t realize it, but sitting behind the teachers’ desk is a power position. It tells parents that you and the parents aren’t partners; you’re the one making decisions. As much as it’s easier for you to access papers and grades, it’s better to gather those materials before the meeting and sit alongside the parent at a table. Look at papers together and discuss what’s best for the student as equals.

Stick to a negative message.

The situation: You’re having a parent meeting because Tony isn’t doing well in class, refuses to open his textbook, and either sleeps in class or argues. You have changed Tony’s seat, called home, talked to the guidance counselor, sent him to the office, conferenced with him privately, but nothing has worked and you’re frustrated. The parent enters your room and you show her documentation of every rule infraction Tony has had for the past nine weeks. She leaves angry and frustrated – with you.

The solution: The parent doesn’t think that you like her kid. She thinks that you’re just looking for everything Tony has done wrong while ignoring the fact that Tony is a gifted kid who is bored. It’s important to always look for one good thing every day about students, especially problem students. No one is all good or all bad and recognizing that the student has good behavior, too, will help you and the parent arrive at a solution.

Use as many technical terms as possible.

The situation: You want to appear knowledgeable and competent. So to make your points, you talk to the parent about her daughter’s learning styles, potential discipline plans, and a possible meeting with the BCT. You offer to involve the guidance counselor in meetings so he can explain the student’s affective behavior and adolescent behavior norms in addition to explaining the student’s cognitive behavior on standardized tests.

The solution: Keep talking like this and even you won’t understand yourself. Many parents don’t like to come to school because they remember their own unpleasant experiences with k12 education. They feel inadequate and uncomfortable instead of like the teacher’s partner in learning. Parents who feel this way stay out of the building and don’t answer the phone. Be approachable.

Parent involvement really is important to student success. Even though teens try to exert their independence and push their parents away, studies show that grades improve when fathers are involved in their students’ education. When mothers are involved, students have fewer discipline problems.

Tags: communication, parents, phone calls

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